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A Warrior's Story: From Hopeless to Hero!

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A Warrior's Story
From Hopeless to Hero!

My story to happiness
I have had this problem for over 7 years.  I have tried very hard to beat this giant, but I simply did not have the skills to beat it forever.  I even conquered it for half a year before.  Then Satan attacked me and I felt as though I was overwhelmed and fell into his trap again.  I kept on trying to beat it, and I reached a month of success, but I could not seem to conquer the beast eternally, and have the confidence that I could overcome Satan’s temptations in the future.  My patriarchal blessing had so much in store for me, but I felt as though I just wouldn’t be worthy enough to receive any of its blessings.  Even though at certain times I had success, I never felt like I had the warrior confidence that I could hold Satan off for very much longer.  I lived in fear of God and Satan, therefore Satan had a measure of control over me.  At night, when I when I would walk downstairs in the dark to go to my room, I would try to simply open a door or turn down a hallway, but Satan had such strong hold of my brain that I thought some demonic like beast, or the devil himself would be standing there ready to horrify me.  I lived in this awful fear for almost six months.  I would get chills down my back as I turned down a hallway or opened a door because of this.  But, even through this horrifying experience, God is always there, and he allows us to always pray to him no matter the time or place or temple worthiness.
My bishop suggested a program called the Sons of Helaman.  The program specializes in combating pornography and masturbation, and it is not just a support group.  I even read Maurice’s book about eternal warriors “Like Dragons Did They Fight.”  It didn’t even cross my mind that Satan was tempting me not to go.  I simply thought, “I’m better than that, maybe if I can overcome it for just one month, then I won’t have to enroll in Sons of Helaman.”  I honestly thought that was a good idea.  Really this was just one of Satan’s traps to get me to not reach my full potential as a son of God.  Anything that could keep me from enrolling in Sons of Helaman was actually Satan telling me excuses for me to not be myself.  Satan was using me for his own pleasure and amusement because he is jealous that I have a body.  I was caught in Satan’s snare of thin wire that has been wound around me over 500 times!  I was saying “no” to something that would help me become myself and even enjoy life.
Then, my dad signed me up out of nowhere, and I didn’t even know about it.  When my parents told me they had signed me up, I was surprisingly not angry.  I was a little irritated that they didn’t consult with me beforehand, but deep down I thought it might even be for the better.  The thing is with signing up for Sons of Helaman: the boy who hasn’t tried it doesn’t know how good it is for him simply because he hasn’t experienced it yet.  In hindsight, I’m glad my parents signed me up because I needed to step up my game or I would forever remain a prisoner of Satan.  An addiction is a very serious thing, so it needs a very serious mental step up in order to overcome the addiction.  Even the strongest will cannot overcome addictions; that is why God gave us the atonement.
I went in for the initial consultation, and I didn’t know exactly what to expect.  Maurice spoke of this thing in the book called Warrior Chemistry.  Warrior Chemistry is a tactic that Maurice trains all of his warriors with, and it is the kind of strength that we all need in order to overcome addictions.  He gave my parents and I a little experience of it even in the consultation room.  The Warrior Chemistry came so fast that I didn’t even recognize that it came.  This is the reason why I was caught in Satan’s addiction.  Satan would tempt me so fast that I wouldn’t even recognize that Satan was tempting me until I indulged in the temptation.  Later that day, I pondered what I should do.  Even though it cost like $600, the benefit of overcoming something that has haunted me for over 7 years is priceless.  My bishop spoke with me at semiannual temple interviews and a few other sporadic interviews, but that just simply is not enough, if you’re trying to overcome an addiction.    I was actually a little disappointed with my bishop because he didn’t spend a ton of time with me trying to overcome this.  I would imagine, in hindsight, that most bishops don’t have 2 hours to give professional help to male teens overcoming this same problem.  Maurice does.
  I looked at Maurice.  He averages one general conference talk per day for over twenty years.  The only testimony of him that I had at the time was the fact that what he did helped hundreds of others overcome the temptations that ensnare them.  Then I thought of the scripture that says “by their fruits ye shall know them.”  His fruits are the ones who conquer the addiction and use the program.  This is important because I had gained a spiritual trust with Maurice by analyzing the fact that what he does helps people overcome the addiction.  I had gained knowledge for myself that Maurice was of God, and his program is of God.  
Needless to say, I enrolled in the program.  I thought it would be super awkward, especially because I am a quieter guy around people I don’t know.  I was pleasantly surprised.  All the people who go are all trying to overcome the same thing.  We all already have something in common, and I ended up with many new friends.  Everybody is there to help.  We are all really great friends.  It is actually not awkward at all.  The people who go are very great people just like you.  Everybody has the Light of Christ and can sense true happiness.
Something my dad did with me that significantly impacted my progress was that he sat me down for an interview and we simply talked about Jesus’ miracles.  We spoke of the power that one can obtain from Jesus himself.  The virgin that had the bleeding disease simply reached out to touch the garment of Jesus, and she was healed (See Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:25-34, and Luke 8:43-48).  That is all we have to do.  I was crying because it was fast Sunday and the spirit was so strong in the room we were talking in.  I will never forget the spirit of open arms and reaching out that my father gave to me that day.  Although he isn’t perfect, he influenced my progress greatly through this experience.
I have now overcome this temptation for almost 5 months.  It feels so great!  I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of accomplishment, joy, happiness, free agency, confidence, better friendships even outside of Sons of Helaman, better relationships with my parents, closer to my bishop, and just learning how to straight up enjoy life to the fullest.  Among the teenager’s hardest challenges is the idea that everybody wants to be happy.  I have definitely come closer to being happy all the time because of Sons of Helaman.  It even helped me get my personality back!  I can now go on dates whenever I want, and feel like I am clean enough that I will give the girl a good experience.  The people who I go on dates with now, are somebody else’s future wife.  I have sooo much more fun on my dates now.  It is clean wholesome fun, just like what the prophets desire for us to have on our dates.  I have basically quadrupled the number of dates I go on per month now.  Not only that, but I don’t live in fear that “what if she finds out, then what will she think of me?”  Because I am a clean priest now, I can have full confidence that I am worthy to attend in the temple and also bless the sacrament.  I feel like the atonement is real.  I have prayed nearly every day to overcome this temptation, and although the fight isn’t over, I now have the skills to overcome this temptation eternally.  I have memorized a hundred scripture mastery sets of scriptures to come closer to God and his Atonement.  I have learned how to let God take up my burden and walk with him.
To all of those who are considering whether or not to seek professional help, I say do it.  Even if money is an issue, Maurice can work with you.  The benefits are priceless.  Seek the help, and commit yourself to trusting him and doing all that he asks with full purpose of heart and real intent.  You will be able to truly be a positive influence on others, come closer to Christ, and simply enjoy the good things in  life like family and friends infinitely more.  A way that I like to think of Sons of Helaman is that in order to overcome this kind of a temptation you have to have the book smarts, street smarts, and follow through with it.  My testimony of the gospel is my book smarts.  I came to Sons of Helaman with such a testimony.  The street smarts is anything that has to do with my body, such as taking advantage of the fact that Satan does not have a body.  If I do physical exercise, then my mindset is changed and I’m less vulnerable.  Sons of Helaman nurtured me to develop my own necessary street smarts.  Only after I obtained both book and street smarts and followed through with my commitments did I have the strength to overcome this temptation.  This is my testimony of Sons of Helaman.  Do it.  You will eternally have the skills to overcome this, and you will have all of the benefits that I said.  It is worth every penny.  It is worth every second.
For Maurice’s honor, he didn’t tell me to write this, or what to write.

Meet New Body/Mind Specialist: Sarah Williams

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Meet New Body/Mind Specialist:

 Sarah Williams

 


I have known Sarah for many years now and I have a great deal of confidence in her skills with those who find value in the Body/Mind interventions.  Here is what she has to say about her work:

Did you know our bodies are a great big flash drives!?! Our experiences are recorded in the tissues and cells of our bodies! Our mental and emotional experiences and our physical experiences are all stored in the various structures of our bodies.

Healthy Vibrations practices Body Therapy based on the concept of "Tissue Memory." Dr. John Upledger commented that "Tissue Memory" is a phenomenon meaning "the cells and tissues of the body may actually possess their own memory capabilities. These tissue memories are not necessarily reliant upon the brain for their existence."

Wow!  The concept that memory exists in individual tissue as well as the mind for some people is new.  How can this be possible?  At a seminar Dr. John Upledger was questioned about "Tissue Memory."  A physicist in the room explained, "we could store a symphony on something as simple as a piece of plastic tape and a total TV program, complete with color and sound, on something just a little more complex but still of simple plastic. Therefore, he continued, it seemed to make sense that something as complex as muscle tissue, a bone or a piece of liver, could store the memory of an accident or injury. Think about it."

Yes, let's think about it! Our bodies are incredible. Body Therapy is built on identifying the locations of memories and releasing the dysfunctional patterns from our bodies. I believe that resolved experiences are assimilated into our learning and create growth. It is not uncommon for our unresolved experiences to create mental, emotional and behavioral difficulties. Body Therapy helps to resolve dysfunction where the dysfunction is stored and decreases the need for the body to compensate around the disorder. Therefore therapy may reduce all kinds of stress and trauma for each individual.

How does Body Therapy support your counselling sessions with Maurice? During a counselling session, patterns are identified and resolved mentally and emotionally. Healthy Vibrations will support your therapy by helping to resolve the issues and patterns of dysfunction through the tissues of the body.  Releasing unresolved stresses from the tissue assists in overcoming depression, anxiety, fear, pain, migraines, emotional trauma, and physical injury to name a few. Clients experience feelings such as deep relaxation, support, gratitude, peace and a sense of balance and well being following a session.

Sarah Williams LMT, NCBTMB, founder of Healthy Vibrations, has over 10 years of experience in a variety of techniques such as craniosacral therapy, foot zoning and energy kinesiology. Among her defining training experiences was the opportunity to learn to use these therapies to heal from personal injuries following a rollover car accident in 2003. These body therapies have truly given her hope and allowed her body to repair from significant physical and emotional traumas by unlocking the memories stored in her body tissues. Sarah believes it to be a sacred privilege to help others find hope and healing by being a member of their support team. 

Call Sarah directly at 8015401963

Breaking the Chains of Bondage - Seminar

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So many of our Valiant Warriors are losing in the war against inappropriate media. 
You want to help them before it becomes an addiction.




The Sons of Helaman program has become known as the most effective training system available to help LDS young men gain the self-mastery needed to overcome addictions to inappropriate media so they can go on to serve honorable missions and become temple worthy.

Church Leaders and Parents have asked us to create a resource for prevention and to help those who only have “lost battles” occasionally.    We have created this training for you to use with your youth (and other loved ones).  It is designed to be used in families, and in youth groups.   It is called:

ETERNAL WARRIORS
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You are invited to a 4-hour training on how to use this prevention system.

Breaking the Chains of Bondage

25 April, 2015
8:00am-noon
in Davis County, Utah
Available long distance through Webinar
For registration email sofhoutreach@gmail.com
Or call our headquarters 877-HERO-877
On-line registration [CLICK HERE]

[4-CEU's available for professionals]

If you are urgent in your need for this information, 
the VIDEO RECORDING is now available!
Watch this introduction video, then ORDER HERE.



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For more background on the information that will be presented, read:

By Maurice W. Harker


Equine Assisted Learning - Leadership Training

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New Direction
Leadership Training
Equine Assisted Learning


Do you have a story to tell? Use explorative movement, creative activities, and our unique equine assisted learning environment to inspire your goals. You’ll be mentored by skilled coaches as you transform your story into a fine presentation, with a performance to be held final day of camp. Each day will be filled with fun, games and activities to refine your communication, team interaction, leadership, and presentation skills.
    
                                                                    

Our Goal is to help you break down fear barriers allowing skill development to assist you in going forward with healthy habits for life. Learn to:

  • Take Responsibility for yourself
  • Create a clear vision for you today to take you to your future goals
  • Use listening skills of nonverbal communication to build happier relationships
  • Understand the value of differing personalities and points of view
  • Create a life of productivity and balance
  • Refine your presentation skills and find your story and share it with enthusiasm.
  • Discover the importance of and work with team members.

Some CampHighlights:
Instructions and Activities through Equine Assisted Learning Environment
Archery    Art/Sculpting   Team Building     Detective Mystery Dinner

What this is NOT…..
    A horse riding camp.   We will be doing some riding to assist in our activities but this camp is NOT about horseback riding.  It is about you as an individual assisting you to be all you can be. No horse experience required.  We are partnering with the non-judgmental equine to assist in our process of self discovery, learning and expression.

                        What this is…..                                     
A forum filled with activities that support                  

  • Self Discovery                                                          
  • Self Mastery
  • Self Expression                                                       
  • Self Presentation                                                                  
  • Self Awareness                                                               
  • Self Empowerment                                                   
                                                                              
Participant Age   14-18 
August 14-16, 2014
MorganUtah

For registration Please Contact:  Carol  801-558-5952

If you have an questions or concerns,  please call Sandy, the Director at 8013918232

(Registration Price Regularly $299.00)


Summer Special     $127.00!

  Limited space available.


Have a learning experience that will give you the knowledge, skills and motivation to immediately begin improving any and every part of your life.

Parable of the Southern Bell: When a Man hurts a Woman and how to fix it.

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The following story is just a portion of the book:
This book is now available in eBook form.  
Text "Imnotokay2" to 91011 or {CLICK HERE} to get your own copy.
- - - - - - - - - -


Sadly, most married couples I work with start with a visit from the wife who quickly falls into tears of pain after entering my office.  While I do have cases where the wife is the one who hurt the husband, today I am going to talk about how to work through things when the husband hurts the wife.

When a Man has Hurt a Woman
And how to fix it



Parable of the Southern Belle

     This story could take anyplace, but it works best for me if I imagine a father sitting on the front porch of his plantation style home in the South.  He looks down the long graven drive lined by large trees on both sides.  He sees an old sports car driving a little faster than usual up the drive which comes to a gravel-flinging stop by the porch.  The teen-age girl (who happens to to be the man's daughter) jumps out of the passenger's seat and yells at the young man who has been driving, "I hate you!  And I never want to see you again!"  As she slams the door and starts to run up the steps in to the house, he opens his door and over the roof of the car hollars, "I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to hurt you!"


     The father, (just like you would, gentlemen), reaches for his shotgun that he keeps on the porch...just in case.  The young man sees what the father is doing, jumps back in his car, and drives away as fast as he can.  The father pulls the trigger a few times, but misses on purpose, his only goal is the scare the boy away forever.  That night he holds his daughter in his arms and hopes to console her.   "Why do boys have to be so stupid!"  And with a deep breath, he remembers to himself, "Just like he was at that age."

The next day, the father gets quite a surprise.  Once again, the father is on his porch when he sees that same car slowly driving up the gravel drive.  He reaches for his gun and takes the proper position on the middle step.  The young man slowly gets out of his car. 

"You got a lot of nerve coming back here young man," the father says.  "You won't be talking to my daughter today, nor ever, so why don't you get back in that fancy car of yours and drive away before I have to put some holes in you and your car."

Meekly, but bravely, the young man replies with, "I am not here to talk to your daughter, Sir, I am here to talk to you."

This shocks the father a bit, who after a spell of silence asks, "Well, what is it you want to say?"

The young man looks up for the first time to make eye contact with the father and says, "I feel really bad for hurting your daughter.  She is really important to me and I made an immature mistake.  Before I try to make it up to her, Sir, I want to make it up to you.  What would you have me do, Sir?"

The father, even more surprised, pauses for a moment to ponder.  He has no interest in putting his daughter in harms way by allowing this young man to see his daughter again, but at the same time, this father has never seen such wisdom and courage in a young man.  For that matter, he remembers that when he was that age, he would not have handled the situation this good.  Also, there is the question, "Is this young man a flash in the pan with enthusiasm, or is he willing to back his words up with actions."  So, a little test.

"Alright, young man, I want you to take that fancy car of yours, drive down to town square, take one of your clean white t-shirts and write on it real big, "I hurt ----- and I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix it."  Then attach that shirt like a flag to the town flag pole and raise it up high.  Then take a picture of it with you fancy phone camera and post it on Facebook for all to see.   Okay?"   Now, if you haven't already guessed, the initial intent of this list of expectations is just to get rid of the kid.  No punk teenager is going to follow through with those instructions.

To his surprise, the young man replies, "Yes Sir."  He jumps in his car and drives away.  Thirty minutes late the father, just out of curiosity, checks his Facebook and finds that the young man has followed through.  "Well how about that!"  What does that mean about this kid?  He must seriously love the girl.  He is brave.  He is humble.  Impressive.   So far.


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 On-going Marriage Repair Workshop
For the Men Who are Ready to Do What It Takes
To Healing their Traumatized Marriages.
Webinar - Every Thursday night 7-8pm MST
Starting 26 March, 2015
Call 801-719-1280 or email sofhoutreach@gmail.com
for details and/or registration
Taught by Maurice W. Harker, CMHC
Only $20/session
\ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -/

The next day the father sees the young man driving up the gravel road again.  "What can I do for you next to prove myself to you?" 

"Hmmm.  See those fallen trees over there?  See that ax?  I need that all split into firewood for the winter.  Have at it."
-Why is the Father having him do these things?
-If the young man continues on this path, how is the Father going to talk with the daughter?
-How does it benefit the Father and the daughter if the young man gets impatient and drives away, never to come back?
-How does it benefit the Father and the daughter if the young man stays patient and persistent?

If the young man continues to work to build a relationship with the Father,  the Father will come to several conclusions.
-He respects me, therefore I can trust him to respect my daughter.
-When he is here, he is not off chasing other girls or other immature distractions.

If consistent, the Father will start having conversations with his daughter about the impressive character of the young man.  The Father wants his daughter to stay away from the young man until he demonstrates true character change.  Once he demonstrates that he will be a better man than the other alternatives for his daughter, he will begin to encourage her to give the young man another chance.  Most women are naturally forgiving once they feel safe.  And in my experience, that sense of safety will not come directly from the man, but must come as a spiritual manifestation for the woman.

Imagine if the young man says to the Father on the first day he comes back to the house, “Get out of the way, old man, and let me talk to your daughter.”  Or, “This is none of your business, we don’t need to involve you.”  Or, “I don’t trust your ability to convince her of my value, I need to tell her straight forward that I am a good man and she needs to get over what happened.”

In my professional experience, those couples who let the Father be the mediator are much more likely to experience a miracle of recovery and happy healing than the others who are impatient and work around him.  

We offer 2 programs for people who find themselves in this unfortunate situation.
Both are now available long-distance, through webinar style training.

For the Men:
Men of Moroni

Specialized Training
in Self-Mastery
and Marriage Repair

For the Women:

The W-O-R-T-H group
free Therapist led
Healing/Guidance/Support



The above story is just a portion of the book,

 This book is now available in eBook form.  
Text "Imnotokay2" to 91011 or {CLICK HERE} to get your own copy.




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The Cracked Foundation and the Sledge Hammer: More on how to fix a broken marriage

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The Cracked Foundation and the Sledge Hammer
More on how to fix a broken marriage

As I have grown to understand the Patriarchal Order and how it relates to the repair of damaged relationships another story comes to mind for what to expect and how to proceed when a man’s weaknesses have scared a woman.
If a couple is trying to implement the principles of the Patriarchal Order into the marriage and family, the man can be compared to the foundation of a home, and the woman to the building of the home and it’s interior.  In our story, before marriage, the man tried to build a nice strong foundation before meeting his wife, and since the marriage, the woman has worked hard to build a nice home on top of the foundation.
A few years go by, and one day, the foundation cracks and breaks, significantly, under the corner of the house where the baby’s room is on the second floor.  The shift is so bad, the baby’s room almost crumbles to the ground, almost seriously injuring the child if not worse.  As one might expect, the woman is traumatized with fear!  She is devastated that the home she has worked so hard to build has been ruined, and the threat on the baby’s life!!!  She cannot live in that house anymore.




He feels horrible!  He might even get defensive at first, “If you and your home weren’t such a burden, I would not have cracked.”  Hopefully, he quickly apologizes for that statement and gets back to taking responsibility.  But he has the same question she does, “How did this happen!?”
When my wife and I first decided to have our own home built, it was very exciting, and a very new experience for me.  I had never seen a home built from an empty lot.  The day finally came where they broke ground.  We would go over to the site almost every day and take pictures.  First they dug the hole.  Next they laid a layer of gravel in the bottom.  The third day confused me.  As I looked down into the gravel-lined hole, I was surprised to find these big, rectangle shaped blocks of cement!  My first thought was, “That is weird.  Why didn’t they pour the floor in one smooth layer?  Why did they separate it into scattered chunks?  That could make the floor uneven.” 
I had never heard of “footings” before.  Someone with a lot more experience in the building of buildings explained to me that a flat piece of cement, known as the foundation, would not be strong enough to hold the weight of a home after it has been built.  The footings are much thicker and much stronger than the foundation, and although you cannot see them after the home is built, they are vital to the stability and integrity of the home.
I was just starting my work are a marriage and relationship therapist at the time this home was built, and the comparison lent itself to a beautify analogy for building healthy and strong relationships.  The footings are concepts and entities that are stronger than the man on which he can build his foundation so it will never crack.  The footings are the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost, the Atonement, the Gospel and the Words of the Prophets.  If a man will build his foundation on these footings, and maintain his connection with them, he will have the strength to bear the weight of a woman, their children and their home.
If the scary cracking of the foundation has already occurred, here is how, ideally, things will proceed in order for the miracle of bringing this family back together will occur.
The man will need to withdraw a bit from the relationship and start with learning more about the different elements of the footings.  Next he will have to carefully prepare a new location and carefully place the footings in all the right locations, and then carefully pour the foundation over the top of the footings.  Then the most difficult step, inviting the woman to come take a look at his new foundation and see if she is willing to try building a home with him again.
Now, gentlemen.  Imagine you are the home builder.  And after investing a very large amount of time and money in building a home, the foundation cracked and your home fell apart.  He who built your original foundation says, “Sorry, let me build you another one.”  How do you respond?  “No problem.  Looking forward to it.”  Probably not.  There more logical, and the more common response I get from the women I work with is, “How am I ever supposed to trust him again?!”
Men are often confused why apologies and promises are not enough.  If your home collapsed like the one in this story, what would it take for you to trust the foundation builder?  Most men would say, “There is no way I would give that builder a second chance.  Too big of a risk.  Plenty of other builders out there I could work with.”  I hope, gentlemen, that after hearing yourself think this, you would understand why women really struggle with giving the man a second chance.  I also hope you will experience extreme gratitude and humility if you are given a second chance.
You see, about every woman I have ever worked with seems to have an insatiable desire to keep her family together.  They will try again and again beyond all logic.  Here is what I would expect if a man is able to convince a woman to take a close look at his new foundation.
So, she arrives at the new location, and slowly walks toward the new foundation with her hands hidden behind her back.  He encourages her to walk out on the foundation and take a closer look.  She tentatively walks around, looking closely, then all of a sudden, she swings out a sledge hammer and starts pounding on the foundation!  Why would she do that?!  In the back of her mind she is thinking, if this foundation can’t survive a sledgehammer, then it will definitely not be able to survive the weight of a home and a family.

There are two responses the man can have in this situation.  If he fears that his foundation is not strong enough, he will panic.  He will go into Fight, Flight, or Freeze mode.
But if he has full confidence in the work he has done to connect his foundation to eternally strong footings, then he can respond as did one of my clients who works in the home construction industry after hearing this story, “Let ‘er rip!”  He has no fear.  He understands why she is testing his foundation.  He has compassion for her fear and her pain.  He will patiently wait until she is satisfied.
This sledgehammer phase of relationship recovery is a surprise to most men, and many are not prepared for it.  After hearing this story, they are more prepared for it.  An important note is that the woman will be equally surprised.  Women do not plan to take a hammer to the new foundation.  When I hear women describing the experience they will say things like, “I don’t know why I am being so mean to him.  I can tell he is trying to fix things.  But sometimes, out of the blue, I will just lay into him.  It is often after he has done many things right.  What is wrong with me?” 

Teaching them this story and it’s principles has helped many couples get through this phase of repair.  I hope is helps you in your situation.

This parable is part of the book
"I'm Not Okay, You're Not Okay, and That's Okay"

by Maurice W. Harker
For your own copy of this eBook, text "Imnotokay2" to 91011

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Maurice will be presenting on relationship topics at the 
Togetherness Project Retreat
on 11 October, 2014 in Midway, Utah
[CLICK HERE] for details.

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Also, on 25 October, 2014
he will be presenting at the 
Life Changing Marriage Seminar
With Brandon and Cherae Federico
[CLICK HERE] for details.


To the Ladies Who Have Been Betrayed

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To the Ladies Who Have Been Betrayed



The shock of discovering that the man you thought you could trust has ........, feels like you have been hit by a truck.  "This can't be happening."

You go over it in your mind, over and over and over. "What did I do wrong?" "What did I miss?" "How did this happen?"

You start to feel like you are on the end of a whip slinging back and forth between ferocious anger and demoralized devastation.

Advice, from those you have confided in, seems too extreme.  They care, but it seems like they don't quite understand all the pieces of this shattered dream.

You have lost a little hope in reaching out to groups of women.  There is so much pain, and the anger starts to spiral sometimes that you leave more traumatized than uplifted.

And then there is your religion and your spiritual foundation.  This kind of thing was never supposed to happen to good LDS women who have tried to live the gospel the best they can.  What do you do with all that?

We took all of these ingredients into consideration when we created the WORTH Group.  Women of Rebirth - Therapeutic Healing is led by LDS clinicians, who, sadly, are very familiar with what you are going through.  Because your family is already being stretch financially by what is needed to repair the damage that has been caused, the WORTH group is free, paid for by the Men of Moroni, warriors fighting for their families.

Please call us.  Call Carol at 8015585952 or Jennifer at 8015106997 for more information.  In-person and on-line resources available.

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Maurice Harker is teaming up with the bloggers of "And So I Fight", Brandon and Cherae Federico, for a Special Evening Seminar on repairing traumatized marriages on 24 October.  If you register before 11 October, you will receive a FREE COPY of Maurice's eBook on relationships, "I'm Not Okay, You're Not Okay, And That's Okay" .  Just call Carol 8015585952 to register.

Hand-Outs and Audio for Togetherness Project Conference, 11 October 2014

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Click below to access the hand-out notes 
for the appropriate session.








Request Audio recordings by emailing
sofhoutreach@gmail.com
[$5 each]
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Don't miss a special seminar for traumatized marriages:
Life Changing Marriage Seminar
24 October, 2014, 7:00pm
With Cherae and Brandon Federico
Authors of "And So I Fight"

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For more information on the writings and services provided by
Maurice Harker
and
call 8015585952 or email
sofhoutreach@gmail.com



Special Fireside in Evans, Georgia

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Special Firesides 
[to listen to free sample audio, CLICK HERE]

18 April, 2015, Augusta, GA Stake Center

19 April, 2015, Greenville, South Carolina

[Contact us if you would like your location on the schedule]





Mothers, Fathers,
Young Warriors!

We have entered a day and age when Satan
is attacking our loved ones in
ways we could not comprehend years ago.
As your leaders, we want you to be prepared and equipped with the knowledge and skills needed.

We have invited the leaders of the 
LDS principles based Self-Mastery Training Program
Sons of Helaman: Eternal Warriors
to present:

"Like Dragons Did They Fight"


This presentation is designed to
To provide us with vital information about
How to Win this War for our Spirits.

Everyone in the area is invited.
Please join us with your youth age 12+.

Full Fireside (for ages 12+) @ 7:00 p.m.

Leadership Meeting @ 5:30 p.m.

Open to ALL  Adult Leaders in the area.

Augusta, Georgia Stake Center

835 North Belair Road,

 EVANS, GEORGIA

For more Information please contact Renee Fry.
Phone: 706-284-8171

(If you would like a similar fireside in your area
call 877-HERO-877, and we will help you set one up.)
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The following diagram will be used during presentation:
The Satanic Spin


Call 877-HERO-877 for more information.
Or go to www.SonsofHelaman.org

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To learn more about what will be taught at this fireside:
by Maurice W. Harker

The 4 Levels of Pornography Use and What to do about it.

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To what level has your youth slipped toward this addiction?  Read:





The 4 Levels of Pornography Use and What to do about it.

Almost Never’s:  It is every parents dream that their youth will never be exposed to inappropriate media.  Unfortunately, we have reached a phase in technology where it is a matter of “when” not “if”.  We are increasingly seeing those as young as 11 and 12 year olds with first time exposure.  It is unlikely that they are addicted at this level, but likely that they are seeing more than you ever wanted them to see.   Ask your youth about once a month, “When was the last time you ran into something inappropriate in the media?”  If the youth feels like you are blaming them or attacking them, they are likely to misrepresent the truth to you.  Asking as if it was an accident allows them to tell you the truth while saving face.  If you feel they are truthfully when telling you that it is “almost never”, then a simple, brief review of your values should be sufficient, for now.  You should probably read, “Like Dragons Did They Fight”, by Maurice Harker, originator of both Sons of Helaman and Eternal Warriors, to prepare yourself in case the war becomes more ferocious for your loved one.

How can you tell if your loved one is an "Almost Never"?
-Usually performs at normal levels in academics, social situations, sports, music, etc.
-Rare moments of unusual moods.
-Quickly admits to any exposure to inappropriate material if confronted.
**Will proactively decide and can avoid exposure to inappropriate material for long periods of time. (At least 3 months)**

Experimenters:  These are those who are using pornography (or other sexual misbehaviors) from time to time, but are not considered addicted yet.   Natural curiosities are to be expected, but can lead to addiction.    If the frequency of exposure is increasing, you are going to want your youth to be trained to identify and overpower the impulse to do things that are against their values system.  Review of what they should and should not do is no longer going to be sufficient.  Eternal Warriors training is specifically designed for parents and leaders to learn how to train their youth at this level.

How do you know if your loved one is an "Experimenter"?
-Mood shifts are becoming more frequent.
-Secrecy is becoming more frequent.
-Misrepresenting the truth is becoming more frequent.
-Performance in academics, social situations, sports, music, etc beginning to be affected.
-Decreasing respect to authority figures.
-Verbalizes increased apathy toward activities that are usually interesting.
-Reluctantly admits to inappropriate behavior.
-Values avoiding inappropriate media, but still "slips" more than once every 3 months, but less than once every other week.
**If makes a sincere personal decision to improve, can make measurable improvements.**

Addicts:  If the youth is making promises to themselves and to you, but are slipping in their ability to keep those promises, you are dealing with someone who is slipping into addiction.  A layman’s definition of an addict is someone who has tried really, really hard to overcome something, and have been unable to do it.  They become moody, irritable, defensive, sullen, less-motivated, etc.  At this point, you are dealing with a medical issue and professional help is going to be needed.  I have seen many families try to do the brain surgery that is needed at this point, but it is impossible to train parents and leaders with the skills and tools needed.  If you find you are dealing with an addiction, contact us about how to enlist your youth with Sons of Helaman.

How do you know if your loved one is an "Addict"?
-Significant, unignorable mood changes, primarily irritable.
-Significant, noticeable patterns of misrepresenting the truth
-Sneaky, avoidant
-Significant drops in self-confidence.
-Values avoiding inappropriate media, but still "slips" more than once every other week.
**No matter how hard he tries, he is unable to make measurable improvements.**

Former Addicts:  Former addicts are those who have been able to gain mastery over their addictions and still retain a respect for the process needed to maintain that success.  They feel powerful and cautious at the same time.  They just need encouragement to maintain the systems that are working for them.

How do you know if your loved one is a "Former Addict"?
-Individuals who used to be addicts but have gained the knowledge, skill and perspective necessary to avoid inappropriate behavior for significant lengths of time, possibly permanently.





The Sons of Helaman are coming to town! 

Sons of Helamanis the LDS-principles based self-mastery training system designed specifically to train young men to win the war against the onslaught of inappropriate material in the media which increasingly challenges the values-based decisions of our youth.   Originated in Farmington, Utah in 2005, Sons of Helaman has successfully empowered hundreds of young men with the skills and perspectives needed to identify and overpower inclinations that would have derailed them from important life events that are important to LDS families.

Families in our area might have hoped that our youth would be sheltered from access to inappropriate media, but unfortunately, the power of technology makes access only a few clicks away on just about any electronic devise.  Not only is the number of youth in our area who are exposed to pornography alarming, so is the number of youth who are becoming addicted to the material and its associated behaviors.  The pain and humiliation associated with this addiction can be overwhelming for these youth.  We want our youth to be trained to avoid the bondage in the first place, but if they are already enslaved, we want them to be empowered to conquer!  While blocks on technology help a little, to win this war, youth will need to be trained from the inside to be able to make quick and powerful choices.

Leaders in the area have been urgently searching to find or create a training system for the youth that is not only built upon the most powerful scientific methods of our time, but also openly integrates the values and principles of the people in our community.  To our relief, a system that has already proven the test of time is available.  By aligning themselves with the skills and talents of local professionals, the Sons of Helaman addiction recovery program and the Eternal Warriorsaddiction prevention trainings are coming available to you and your families.    For more details, call 877-HERO-877 or go to www.SonsofHelaman.org.


Article 14

Breaking the Chains of Bondage 31 January 2015

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To Leaders and Parents,



Please let your people know that Maurice Harker, Director of the Sons of Helaman program, will be doing a special 4 hour training on 31 January 2015 from 8am-noon.  It will be available in-person (Centerville, Utah) or via webinar.  It is called, “Breaking the Chains of Bondage”.

This training is specifically for LDS parents and religious leaders who would like effective perspectives and tools designed to empower youth (12-24) to win the battle against pornography and other sexual misbehaviors.  As you know, most philosophies have either a purely scientific or a spiritual approach to prevention and recovery.  Sons of Helaman is known for its customized integration of cutting edge science with eternal principles and spiritual experiences.  Hundreds of young men have been able to win this war so they can go on missions and return to the temple due to the training provided by the Sons of Helaman program.  Maurice Harker and his team now make available the Eternal Warriors programwhich takes the material used in Sons of Helaman and makes it usable for parents and church leaders to help before the problem reaches its worst level (See “The 4 Levels”).

For those who would prefer an openly religious approach to the science of sexual addiction prevention and recovery, you will want to attend this premier training.

Call 877-HERO-877 or email sofhoutreach@gmail.com for questions and registration.

To learn more about the philosophies and principles taught by the Sons of Helaman program, read, “Like Dragons Did They Fight” by Maurice Harker.


If you hadn’t heard, there is an adult (for married men) version of Sons of Helaman available now called, Men of Moroni.  And for the wives who are trying to recover from this type of trauma in their marriages, the W-O-R-T-H group is now free!

Life Changing Marriage Workshop

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Life Changing Marriage Workshop
Starting February 12 for 6 Weeks
After the one-night seminar we did a few months ago, we have been asked to put together a more intensive workshop to help traumatized couples recover from their painful past.  This particular workshop will be specifically for couples who have been primarily injured by the significant misbehaviors of the husband.  It will be for couples who still have a grain of hope, and who would rather go through the hard work of healing and repair than through the hard work of divorce.
Each session will be in two parts.  For the first half, Maurice Harker, author of “I’m Not Okay, You’re Not Okay, but That’s Okay!”, will teach the couples principles of healthy relationships that have worked for him in therapy sessions for many years.  This will be followed by break-out sessions where the men and women will learn separate from each other, how to use the principles that apply to them.  Brandon and Cherae Federico will be the primary leaders of these break-out sessions. (See www.andsoifight.blogspot.com)
Some of the topics that will be discussed include:
-The Ideal Relationship – How Things Should Be
-The 4 Seasons of a Healthy Relationship
-The Double Satanic Spin and addressing the 3rd person in the room
-Tetris Communication Principle
-Pioneer Woman Mode and the Man and the Mountain
-Caveman Sexuality

These topics (and more) are all from the book, “I’m Not Okay, You’re Not Okay, but That’s Okay!”.  Participants are strongly encouraged to get a copy of the book and have it read before the workshop begins.  Click HERE to get a copy of the eBook.


The Life Changing Marriage Workshop will be limited to 8 couples in order to maintain educational intensity.  We will meet for 2 hours every Thursday night from 6-8pm starting 12 February, 2015


We offer this workshop in hopes of saving expense for many in this difficult situation.  Cost will break down to $25/hour per person instead of the usual cost of $125/hour for therapy.  Also, we are confident that by meeting others in a similar situation, comradery and relatability will speed up the learning and healing process.
Details:
6 Weeks – Starting on February 12, 2015
2 Hours/week – 6-8pm
$600 per couple.  Limited to 8 couples
Held in Farmington, Utah at 
Life Changing Services, 722 Shepard Lane, Ste 105.

Register now by calling Lynette at 801-719-1280

Mothers, Mary, and Christmas

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Mothers, Mary, and Christmas

This morning there was something in my inbox that caught my attention because it referred to Mary the Mother of Jesus.  One of the things I like to do is collect different images Mary and I look forward to putting them up at Christmas time.  I don't get too fancy...I use tape and put them all over the inside of the front door and one of my favorites I put center front on my Christmas tree.
There is just something these beautiful images' do for me as I look at them. as I think of Mary and who she was, her role in Heavenly Fathers plan, how she must have felt, what she must have gone through and the incredible things she must have experienced being the chosen, willing mortal mother of Jesus Christ I am filled with a greater degree of love and appreciation for my friend and Savior.  It's hard to put my finger on why these images bring up a greater depth of gratitude and personalize my love for Jesus Christ.  Perhaps it's because I relate in a very small way to Mary and have such great love and respect for her.
I know that I am not even close to what and who she is but because we both share the bond of motherhood, we are both women and both have sons we love dearly I can just ponder on her life and experience and the spirit helps me to know that in our own very special way that I am highly favored of the Lord and that I have a special mission to fulfill as a mother of a son who is noble, valiant and came here to do amazing things.
I play a vital role in his success and my willingness to cultivate and incorporate the same traits  Mary had as a mother will make that so much more possible and make my experience and journey more hopeful, meaningful and aligned with the Fathers will for me and my son.
Heavenly Father knew Mary very well, he had confidence in her abilities and was willing to help her and lead her through/in all she would experience in her divine calling of mother.  We have a special bond with her as women and in motherhood.  We also share a special truth...Heavenly father know us very well, has confidence in our abilities and is willing to help and lead us through all we will experience in our divine callings a s mothers.
I found such great insight through the spirit as I made a purposeful effort to learn from Him as I read, studied and wrote about the things I was learning about how to incorporate the 7 traits we learn from Mary in my own efforts as a mother.
My beautiful, powerful friends...you insightful strong mothers, I challenge you to do the same as you read further and consider Mary's example and how to incorporate just one tiny thing you learn through the spirit that will improve your efforts with your son/loved one and make you feel the Lords help in greater abundance in your stewardship.
I bare testimony of the reality of our Savior Jesus Christ and how much he loves us and desired to help us in our role as mothers.
Merry, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!  Words can never express how much I love and appreciate you and how grateful I am for your goodness and strength or how you inspire me and lift me to fight more valiantly with and for the Savior, Jesus Chris.
Karen Broadhead
(Karen is our Parent Specialist.  She preimarily helps Mothers get through some of the biggest fears of  the experience of Mothethood.)

7 Lessons for Moms from Mary






In all of history, there was no one like Mary, the mother of Christ. She was chosen by God to be the mother of His Only Son. And while we will never be like Mary in that way, we do share the bond of motherhood with this highly favored young woman.

Here are 7 things we can learn from Mary:

1. Mary pondered.

Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.

2. Mary prayed.

Acts 1:14 They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary, the mother of Jesus…

3. Mary trusted God.

Luke 1:38 I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May your word to me be fulfilled."

4. Mary was humble.

Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.

5. Mary engaged.

Luke 4:28 His mother said to Him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

6. Mary believed.

John 2:3 And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord… For He hath regarded the low estate of His handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

7. Mary was faithful.

John 19:25 Near the cross of Jesus stood His mother…




Seven Lessons for Mom from Mary the Mother of Jesus:

Meet my friend: Cody Hawes

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Meet my friend:
Cody Hawes
LCSW


I want you to meet my good friend, Cody Hawes.  I met him 2 years ago, and he has been a blessing in my life ever since.  When you meet him, his pleasant, comfortable and playful personality comes out first, so it can be a surprise when you experience the brilliant and intensely dedicated clinician under the surface.  Rarely have I ever experienced a more dedicated man.  His dedication is to his clients, to the accuracy of his counseling and to his family (not necessarily in that order).  He is unstoppable in his determination to do good and to be good.

If you live anywhere near Farmington, Utah, (or remotely, because he is skilled with Skype type sessions), I strongly recommend Cody as a counselor and therapist.  He is skilled with young children, teenagers and adults.  He is skilled with marital therapy.  He is skilled with depression, anxiety, addictions, etc.  He is one of our best clinicians with the Sons of Helaman program, running 5 groups every week.
If you or a loved one is in emotional pain, I encourage you to meet with him at least once to experience his amazing gifts!      Cody can be reached at (801) 721-0144 or brohawes@gmail.com.

Here is a little more about him.

Cody Hawes was born and raised in Hermiston, Oregon where his passions were sports (especially football), singing and activities with family, friends and the LDS church. He worked on the local farms until his graduation from High School and enrolled at Rick’s College in 1999. He went there for a year and was called to serve a mission in McAllen, Texas where he learned the Spanish language and increased his eagerness to serve people around him. After serving his mission, he went back to school at the transitioned BYU-Idaho where he received a bachelors degree in Sociology and a minor in Spanish. He was actually named the “Man of The Year” for the BYU-Idaho college of Religion and Social Sciences. BYU-Idaho is where he met his beautiful wife Kristin while they were EFY counselors. They were married in the Bountiful Temple for time and all eternity. They have been married 7 years.
After a few years of living in Layton where Kristin worked as a Special Education teacher and Cody as a youth sex offender counselor they decided to pursue a Masters degree in Social Work at Eastern Washington University. In their time in Cheney, WA they welcomed Elijah Tucker (4) and Sadie May (2) into the world. There, he became a mental health/sex offender therapist and worked for the departments of correction in Washington and Oregon.
Cody can be reached at (801) 721-0144 or brohawes@gmail.com.


Article 9

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Self-Mastery

After years of development and fine-tuning, 
the leaders of the Sons of Helaman program now offer:






Eternal Warriors is a self-mastery training course for those who would like to fine tune

-their behavior
-their internal conversations
-their thoughts
-their feelings.

In all 4 categories, most of us have a list of things we want to increase (i.e. practice musical instrument, plan useful projects, think better of ourselves, feel more enthusiastic), and a list of things we want to decrease (i.e. anger/frustration behaviors around loved ones, negative self-talk, ideas to do something inappropriate, depression or anxiety).   

Using the unique combination of cutting edge science with eternal principles which has been life changing for so many who have been through the Sons of Helaman program, adult women, men and youth can be educated and empowered with the self-mastery they have desired no matter where they live.  If you are not familiar with the powerful concepts taught in the Sons of Helaman program, read "Like Dragons Did They Fight" in paperback or eBook.  (Order HERE)



Eternal Warriors classes are available using the modern technology of webinar.  Our amazing Mentors are making classes available at various times and days (See: Class Schedule).  The course includes 8 sessions where you will meet with your class and mentor for 2 hours once each week.

Many parents and church leaders are wanting to learn how to teach these principles to the youth over whom they have stewardship.  We have a special training for these situations called our "Mentor Training".  In this 10 week training, you will learn the same principles combined with the training needed to be able to teach others.  Look for the Level 1 Mentor classes in the Class Schedule.

Supporting/Responding to a Spouse (Husband) Who has a Pornography/Sexual Addiction

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Supporting/Responding to a Spouse (Husband)
Who has a Pornography/Sexual Addiction

There are many different philosophies on this topic.  I am guessing that my recommendations will be a great relief to some, and will stimulate a strong negative reaction in many.  Either way, after working very closely with couples in this situation for over a decade now, I am confident that the ideas I share will be the best reaction to finding your spouse has a sexual addiction.
This article will appear to have a bias.  That is true.  Currently, in 99% of the cases I work with, it is the husband who has the sexual addiction, and the wife who is seeking understanding on how to respond.   So, this article will clearly discuss how I recommend a wife respond to a husband’s pornography/sexual addiction.  While women can have sexual addictions, it is not the focus of this article.


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For Him:
On-going Marriage Repair Workshop
For the Men Who are Ready to Do What It Takes
To Healing their Traumatized Marriages.
Webinar - Every Thursday night 7-8pm MST
Starting 26 March, 2015
Call 801-719-1280 or email sofhoutreach@gmail.com
for details and/or registration

Taught by Maurice W. Harker, CMHC
Only $20/session

Did you miss Week 1 of this Workshop?
The podcast is now available for both him and her to enjoy:


Week 2

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First, we need to remember that the role a wife plays in these circumstances is different than the role of his parents, siblings, friends, church leaders, clinicians and sponsors.  I would hope that his parents, siblings, friends, church leaders, clinicians and sponsors will all have a patient and compassionate response toward the man with the addiction.  But the wife , primarily, is the only one that is a victim of his  misbehaviors and mentalities.  Many try to declare that, “She has nothing to do with the misbehaviors.” Or, “She shouldn’t take it personally.”  I agree that she holds no responsibility for the cause of his misbehaviors (it is not her fault), but in many ways, her life is greatly affected by his misbehaviors.  It is very painful and scary to discover your spouse is drawn to and takes action toward other women...especially when he has a hard time controlling it.
Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT has already itemized the destructive impact that an addiction has on the wife in his article http://salifeline.org/article/effects-of-pornography-on-a-spouse/help-for-spouses, so I will not be addressing that here.  I will address how to respond.
When making recommendations to a woman as to how to react to a man’s misbehavior, imagine your high school aged daughter comes home from school one day and says, “The boy I have been dating keeps looking at other girls without their clothes on.  What should I do?”
Notice, first, that your reaction is not, “Well, Sweetie, you just need to be supportive and not take it personally.”  We don’t say, “It’s not a big deal.” Or, “Maybe you should get better at meeting his needs, then he wouldn’t need to do that.”  Notice when the misbehaviors affect our daughters, we have a much different (and more accurate) response to what course of action she should take, than would a traditional clinical approach.  So, the steps below are designed for the spouse, not the parents, siblings, friends, church leaders, clinicians and sponsors.  That is a topic for another day.


  1. Withdraw to a safe distance.  Many are disturbed by this suggestion as a first suggestion, but if they truly understand the situation, making sure the victim receives no more injury is the first priority.  The “distance” depends on how hurtful his behaviors are.  You don’t measure how much something hurts, or whether or not it hurts by asking the one delivering the pain.  The one receiving the pain will need to figure out how much distance and what kind of distance is needed.  An addict during this stage is often more concerned about his own comfort than he is hers.  I do not advocate for divorce unless the individual bringing pain to the relationship continues to do so, and does not consistently invest time and effort into understanding and changing the painful behaviors.  If the woman is going to heal and recover from this experience, she will need a safe and secure “incubator” or “greenhouse”.
  2. Pack your wagon. The wife will need to prepare for the possibility that she has a long journey ahead of her, and there are no guarantees that he will overcome his issues.  Addiction can be overcome but it is a lot of hard work, and can take a while; sadly, some men are not willing to do that much work.  Healing and recovery are often derailed by impatience.  Both parties need to focus primarily on making sure they are emotionally fortified for the work required to heal and recover.  Both need to plug into their Divine power for this education and rejuvenation.  They should only “work on the marriage” when both can maintain an edifying environment for the other during communication.
  3. This is not punishment.  An addict in the early stages of recovery will often describe step one and step two as punishment.   In reality, the steps she needs to take for her own safety will break up his comfort zone, but the comfort zone is often connected to sustaining his addictive behaviors and mentality.  For the future to be different, the present needs to be different.   Discomfort does not equal punishment.  Incidentally, not intentionally, her distance should create some motivation on his part to do the work it takes to reach out to those who can help him recover...parents, siblings, friends, church leaders, clinicians and sponsors.
  4. Find and plug into healing resources.  She will need to find quality people and programs that will feed her with lots of energy and accurate information for healing.  The tendency is for her to rely on him to change.  “I will feel better when he…”  This dependence on him needs to be disconnected.  
  5. Maintain  dignity. It is important for a woman’s emotional well-being that she not allow herself to misbehave, just because he misbehaves.  In the early stages, it is not uncommon for the addict to blame his behavior on what she does or doesn’t do.  These same men will tell their children, “Just because your sister does something wrong doesn’t mean you get to do something wrong too.  You can’t blame someone else for your misbehaviors.”  The wife needs to watch out for the same pattern in her behavior.  Do not let yourself misbehave just because he does.  Handle everything as if you are training your daughters to handle the situation if they ever find themselves in the same situation.
  6. Nurture goodness. If he shows signs of improvement, you are encouraged to say, “Good job”, but nothing more is required of you.  Do this because you are a good woman, not because he needs it.  His development/improvements should not be dependent upon you.  If an addict is going to gain full mastery over his misbehaviors, he will need to have a system that is not dependent on his spouse.  He may temporarily rely on others (sponsor, therapist, church leader, coach, etc.), but should not use his wife, the victim of his misbehaviors, as his primary support.  I have a great deal of confidence in men and their ability to overcome this addiction and its negative side effects.  When we train men, we train them to get their emotional rejuvenation from someone other than the one that has been crushed their misbehaviors.
  7. Refuse to be abused.  Hopefully, his painful behaviors will cease soon, but if the addictive behaviors, or any of its accompanying behaviors (lying, hiding, elusiveness, anger, frustration, etc.) return, then I recommend the wife go back to step 1 of this list.
  8. Flourish in a safe environment. In my experience, if a man can show consistent improvement, if he can grow in his ability to provide her with emotional safety and security, she will warm up to him with little effort.  As I have watch couples recover from extremely painful situations, If the man can provide a greenhouse for an extended period of time (1 month for every year he has had a problem), then the woman almost always responds as any good seed does.  In a timely manner she will grow and blossom again.  It is a miraculous process to observe.  He grows in confidence and a sense of competence.  She feels safe and secure.  If he does not do the work it takes to provide her with safety and security, she can find sufficient safety and security from her own efforts and the Divine source, and can flourish outside the relationship, again, sadly, leaving him outside the greenhouse.


-by Maurice W. Harker, CMHC
Director of Life Changing Services

For greater understanding on this topic, read Maurice’s book, “I’m Not Okay, You’re Not Okay, But That’s Okay”.  http://mwharkertherapist.blogspot.com/2013/05/new-book-on-healthy-and-healing.html

 Maurice’s counseling agency, Life Changing Services, provides remote services for both the women who find themselves in this situation (the free WORTH group) and men who are ready to work hard to recover from the addiction (Men of Moroni).  Go to www.LifeChangingServices.org for details.  Email inquiries to sofhoutreach@gmail.com.


For Her:  A free service we call...The WORTH Group.  For details, CLICK HERE.

A Warrior's Prayer

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A Warrior's Prayer




One day, I was working with one of my clients who had been working hard to win his personal battles against unwanted patterns of misbehavior.  He and I were working to improve his prayers.  As with many of my clients, I found that I needed to remind him that he is at war with an intelligent and strategic opponent.  To help my clients maintain perspective, I often refer to Satan as, "The 7000 year old military and psychological genius."

As my client and I were talking, as I listened to several of the themes of his prayers, I finally realized what was wrong with his prayer style.  I discovered what was wrong, not only with his prayer style, but with the style of many of the men I work with.  I am now learning, that for quite some time now, men of our culture have been praying the way farmers pray instead of the way warriors need to pray.  It occurred to me that this is because the work of men in our culture has been primarily farming and/or missionary work for several generations now.  It is a new idea, for many of us, that we are finding ourselves in a modern day war:  A war for the hearts and minds of men.

To work through the practical application of this idea, I imagine I am living back in the days of the Nephites.  I imagine that some of the men are farmers, some of the men are missionaries, and some of the men are warriors.  (And yes, at times, sometimes men are all three.)  I come from a family of farmers.  The mentality passed on to me by my parents and their parents empowered me to be an excellent missionary.  Because the mentality of a missionary is more like a farmer, a missionaries prayer and a farmer's prayer are similar.  When a farmer or missionary prays, his prayers may sound something like this:

"Father, please grant that I will know how best to plant these seeds.
Help me to find and prepare the best soil for these seeds.
Please help me develop ever improving ways to plant, nurture and harvest these seeds.
Please grant that my farm will be protected from destruction by nature or by the enemy.
Please give me the strength to work hard to provide for my family."

But this is not the most effective way for a warrior to pray.  A warriors prayer will need to focus more on fighting than on growing and being protected.

"Father, please grant that I will see the enemy in time to win the war.
Please help me to observe and understand the fighting techniques of the enemy.
Help me to develop techniques and weapons sufficiently effective to win my battles.
Please help me to work hard to train...to become stronger, faster and more precise with my skills.
Please help me to be strong, precise and fast so I can protect my family.
And help me to always remember, so that I will be filled with motivation and courage, why I am fighting."

With just a little change to the wording, an excellent prayer for modern day warriors can be developed:

"Father, please grant me an increase in the Spirit of Discernment, so I will recognize Satanic attacks in time to win each battle.
Father, please help me to observe, discern and understand the attacks and fighting methods Satan will try on my mind, heart and spirit.
Help me to discover and develop techniques and weapons (actions, words, thoughts, feelings and chemical switches) sufficiently effective to win the battles that come my way.
Please fill me with the desire to work hard to train...to become stronger, faster and more precise with these techniques and weapons...sufficient to win the battles.
Please help me to remember why I am fighting and why I am training so hard...so I will be filled with the motivation and courage necessary to protect my life, my (future) wife, my (future) children and our freedom!"

I encourage all who are being attacked by the modern day Satanic warfare technique, known as sexual addiction (or any other issue for that matter) to print off a copy of this prayer and include it in your daily prayers for at least 21 days in a row...and watch what will happen to your heart and mind as you gain all that you need to win this war!

by,
Maurice W. Harker, CMHC
Director of Life Changing Services




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Would you like to learn more about 
the Warrior (self-mastery) training concepts
Taught by Maurice Harker?
Watch:
Here is the introduction:

If you would like the full, 4 hour video: CLICK HERE
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and read


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For Details on 
Advanced training for young men Warriors: 
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For Details on 
Advanced training for Adult Men Warriors:
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For many other resources available at 
Life Changing Services call 877-437-6877



On-Going Marriage Repair Workshop

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On-going Marriage Repair Workshop

I have been pondering how to help more men learn to repair their marriages after some form of betrayal trauma.  I am ever conscious of the financial limitations of the families I work with, so I have wanted to find a way to make myself available at a lower cost. It appears that I am becoming less and less available for individual/marital sessions.  And I want to be available to men no matter how far away they live.  So, with all that in mind, the insight to hold an on-going weekly webinar, specifically for men who have made mistakes, but really want to learn how to fix their marriages has come to mind.  I hope this workshop will decrease pain and frustration for both of you. If you know someone who might need this, please pass it on. 

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For the Men Who are Ready to Do What It Takes
To Healing their Traumatized Marriages.
Webinar - Every Thursday night 7-8pm MST

Call 877-HERO-877 or email sofhoutreach@gmail.com
for details and/or registration
Taught by Maurice W. Harker, CMHC
Only $20/session

If you would like to learn a lot more for a lot less money,
read Maurice Harker's eBook on healthy and healing relationships:
"I'm Not Okay, You're Not Okay, But That's Okay!"
for only $5.



Did you miss Week 2 of the Workshop? For Podcast, just click here:




Did you miss Week 1 of the Workshop? For Podcast, just click here:


The Next Step

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The Next Step

Bishops/Presidents/Parents,

Now that you and your people have learned (attended a seminar, watched a video, read the book) more about the methods Satan is using to try to wipe out the Noble and Great Ones of This Final Generation, we want to help empower you to train your youth (and adults as needed) to win this war against unwanted patterns of misbehavior.  We understand that you want to do as much as you can for your people.  Here are some ideas.

In your previous trainings, you learned about the 4 Levels of Addiction:
-Almost Nevers
-Experimenters
-Addicts
-Former Addicts

You are going to want to do as much as you can for your people before they become Addicts.  As you have learned, once they have become Addicts (see clarifying definition below**), they will need professional help.  So, for those who you are hoping to help avoid becoming Addicts, for those who want to fine tune their self-mastery, we recommend the following:

-Provide Training Classes for your people.  Teaching about self-mastery is insufficient.  Your people will need to be trained.  You are welcome to create and provide your own training, but we hope to have saved you time and work by creating a gospel principle centered/scientifically sound training called, "Eternal Warriors".  EW classes are for both men and women, boys and girls.  No excessively personal/sensitive issues are addressed openly in Eternal Warriors training classes.  We have learned how to teach self-mastery in such a way that it significantly decreases the likelihood of someone making unfortunate choices when temptation of a serious nature presents itself.

-Choose one or more of your motivated people to learn how to teach these classes.  A professional therapist is not required.  We call those who are certified to teach Eternal Warriors training classes, Eternal Warriors Mentors.  Both men and women are invited.  We are prepared, no matter how far away you are, to teach your select people how to become Mentors.  Just have them contact our office 8774376877 and ask to be trained to become an Eternal Warriors Mentor.  It takes about 10 weeks to train someone to become a Mentor.  There is a nominal cost for this training, but most people find it to be irrelevant after training is complete.

-In the meantime, you need not wait until you have an Eternal Warrior Mentor in your area.  Youth and adults can be trained remotely, through our already existing webinar classes.  We have many Mentors who are already prepared to train your people.  While in-person classes are always more powerful, many have been greatly benefited by the remote Eternal Warriors classes.  There is a small cost for the Eternal Warriors Kit (book, journal, recorded trainings) for all Eternal Warrior students, whether taught by your Mentors or ours.  And if your student joins a webinar class taught by an Eternal Warriors Mentor from our headquarters, there is usually a class registration fee as well.  When you have classes set up in your own area, you can decide with your local Mentor(s) whether or not to have students pay class registration fees*.  For more details, go to www.EternalWarriorsTraining.org

-Invite your people to be trained.  Attached is a template for a hand-out/email you can send out to your people inviting them to take the Eternal Warriors class.  Just fill in the blanks for who is going to teach the class, where, and when.  Eternal Warriors classes run for about 2 hours one day each week for 8 weeks.  Many, we have found, want to take the class over and over again.  Also, many of those who complete the class want to go on to become Eternal Warriors Mentors, so they can help others fine joy in newly acquired self-mastery.  After filling in the blanks, make copies and hand out to all you hope will take the class.  It is a good idea to email out an electronic copy as well. Download Handout

-If you, sadly, discover that an individual you are working with meets the criteria of an addict, you will want to recommend them to the best treatment for this medical condition you can find.  We invite you to explore all available resources, be we are confident that our programs are the least expensive and the most powerful you will find.  Also, they are the most open and direct with respect to involving gospel principles.  The 12 Steps ARP program, as you have learned, is a support group.  If the individual you are working with is improving sufficiently with the support provided by the 12 Steps ARP program, then we invite you to continue with it.  But if you find that you need something more intensive, run by professionally trained specialists, we hope to serve you in a very cost efficient manner.  We have services for adults and youth, male and female.  Go to www.LifeChangingServices.org and call 8774376877 to discuss what is best for your loved one(s).

-It is our preference to hold our therapeutic groups in your area.  We will need trusted LDS clinicians who are willing to learn how to run this groups correctly.  Please contact us sofhoutreach@gmail.com with any recommendations you might have.

-If you have individuals who can be classified as "Former Addicts", we have found them to be some of the best Mentors.  Their "been there, done that" approach can be very powerful.  It, as you have learned, is one of the best ways to help them avoid "relapse" if they are anxiously engaged in helping others.

-Check with your people from time to time.  About every 3-6 months, we recommend you give your people a chance to reach out for help again.  It can be very challenging to get those who are scared to ask reach out for help.  We have spent many years trying to find tune methods that will actually work.  Our most effective method right now involves a simple, confidential survey for your people.  See attached instructions and survey.  Like cancer checks, the sooner you can catch a problem, the more likely you are to be able to intervene before it becomes destructive.  This is why we recommend you check in with your people about every 3-6 months.  Download Survey

-Don't forget the mothers and the (ex)wives.  It is very painful to care about your family members and at the same time feel powerless in your ability to help or survive.   Sadly, these women are often neglected because the focus is on the individual who is struggling with unwanted patterns of misbehavior.  Be careful not to minimize their pain.  Meet with them regularly.  Ask them how they are doing.  If you feel like you and the resources you have are sufficient, be there for them.  If you start to feel in over your head, we have several free resources for mothers and wives.

-MothersWho Know is a team of mothers who have "been there, done that".  They meet each week in a free webinar and discuss effective ways to be involved in the lives of their youth.  They also comfort each other when they have done all they can do and it is still insufficient.

-The WORTHgroup (Women of Rebirth - Therapeutic Healing)is for women who are in or have been in relationships with men who have sexual addictions.  It is a free group lead by a fully licensed female mental health specialist.  Using scientifically accurate interventions rooted in gospel principles these women learn to respond with power and dignity to their situation, whether the man successfully works through his issues or not.

*Eternal Warrior Class registration fees are separate from the cost of the EW Kit.  Registration fees help pay the Mentor for their professional skills and time.  You will find the fee to be minimal when compared to the value you will gain from the course.

**Characteristics of Someone with an Addiction
-make promises, but can't keep them (especially to themselves)
-they become reluctant to making commitments, because start to lose confidence that they can keep the commitment (this includes things like going on a mission or getting a temple recommend)
-have a pattern of misrepresenting the truth (can be just as much withholding information as lying)
-the primary woman in their lives feels like "something is wrong"
-their sense of stewardships starts to crumble - they neglect things 
-the are increasingly irritable when confronted about small and simple things
-they feel "elusive" to people around them
-they become increasingly flippant about things that matter: school, religion, goals, relationships
(Be careful...these characteristics can also be elements of other mental health or medical issues, so do not automatically assume they have an addiction.  If many things on this list become unignorably, please get the person to a trusted professional ASAP for accurate diagnosis.)


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